After my chat with John McGrath, I felt inspired and knew my only limitation would be my mind. I had it within me, I just had to unlock that block preventing me from regaining the control I had lost upon my cancer diagnosis. After my chat with John it inspired me to step out of my cave of hindrance, baby steps to reclaiming what was taken from me last summer. I went back to training, went for walks and began to get more active. At the minute I am fighting fatigue so at times it feels impossible to get going, but once I do the endorphins make me feel like a million dollars, even when it is just a walk. Being outside in the fresh air is a fantastic feeling, a feeling I missed so much during the long winter nights locked up inside or even worse, confined to a ward for weeks at a time. I just try to remember that when I don’t want to get my arse into gear or I am making excuses for myself.
One thing I have learnt when talking to these people is that their resilience is something to be reckoned with. I am in awe of their positivity. The word ‘positivity’ is thrown around a lot in my blog but I firmly believe it should be the foundation of anyone’s thought process when entering such a battle. It can be hard I know, but you have two choices; let the wave crush you or ride the wave. Conversing with Enda Butler was no different, from the offset he talked about positivity and willpower. Enda is a former Laois Footballer, playing from the age of 15 up to U21s and has numerous achievements owning Leinster Medals at all levels and a Minor All-Ireland. He was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma in March 2013. It was a crushing moment for Enda as he had just buried his Father Christmas Day three months previous, he passed away due to the same harrowing disease that Enda now faced. “To say this scared the living day lights outta me is an understatement”, the shock and dismay Enda must have felt is incontestable.
Of course hindsight is a great thing, connecting the dots afterwards and realising certain symptoms were associated with the cancer, but at the time when you get cold or flu like symptoms you aren’t going to automatically think CANCER! This exactly happened for Enda, he began experiencing extreme hot flushes and frequent colds and flues. He couldn’t shake off a chesty cough, having it for around four weeks and he had lost a lot of weight, but understandably he put it down to the intense training with his GAA club over in Perth. He would wake up nightly from night sweats but put it down to the harsh heat of Perth. He remembers the rapid decline he had, “So we trained on the Tuesday night and I was flying it and then on the Thursday I literally couldn’t run half a lap. I couldn’t understand what was wrong. My chest was heavy and just felt weak. The common flu I thought”. Things escalated early the next morning when he woke up with severe pains, which prompted him to go to the A&E, which was just a five minute drive from his house. Chest X-rays were performed which ruled out any lung problems, and then a CT scan was the next line of investigation. On the Friday the scan was completed and “on Saturday evening my doctor rang which I knew was really strange and within 2 hours I was sitting on a hospital bed and was told I had Cancer.. WTF”. Similar to John, things progressed very quickly once the diagnosis was made.
He spoke about sitting down and deciding how he was going to tackle the rotten situation he had found himself in. “Once it all sank in after the diagnosis, speaking with family and friends I thought about what way will I tackle this now. I only knew one way and that was to give Cancer the middle finger and live life as normal as possible”. I asked Enda how he felt about putting his sporting career on hold. “Honestly it never really dawned on me about my sporting career. The sheer shock and fright I got, all I wanted was to be healthy again and do whatever possible to get there. Anyone and everyone that knows me will tell you I’m very impatient always wanting/ having to do something. I find it hard to stay idle for long. I suppose that was handed down from my father as he was always busy working or down at the football pitch or following the horse racing. It’s a good thing I say”. So like father, like son, he set goals for himself, ensuring not to let anything cancer related affect his normal life. His family and friends thought he was going loopers, setting such high targets but his thinking was “If I took it easy that’s me letting Cancer get one over on me”. He proceeded through his treatment with this attitude. I couldn’t believe it when he told me that he went training the night after his first chemo session. “After my first chemo session on Thursday I went football training Friday evening, with a lot of looks and stares of what are you at and so on but I trained and was delighted and felt great. So I stayed going as long as I could, after the 5th/6th chemo session I slowed down a lot which was expected”. Wow, when I think back to after my chemo sessions I couldn’t even get a cup of tea, like holy moly. That right there just shows Enda’s sheer will and aspiration to continue as normal. He does absolutely acknowledge that “during the treatment you have to listen to your body as it does know best. Your body is a temple and you only get one”. What to take from this is that you know your own body, your own capabilities, listen! Don’t push yourself past boundaries that are just not right for you at that moment in time, simply set achievable targets to get where you want to go. For Enda, continuing what he loved was the top of his list, being an avid baller all his life. For you, it could be getting out for that ten minute walk each day; nobody knows your abilities but yourself.
Eventually the chemo took hold of him and temporarily he couldn’t partake in training with his team, The Morley Gaels. However his did not stop him being involved in any means he could, “It was frustrating not been able to play with the lads but they brought me on board as a selector, but I don’t think they had much choice as I was hanging around either way”. This is a true and inspiring example of how he did not let things get to him and drag him down. He would not let himself enter the dark abyss that can come with a cancer diagnosis. “Being down the pitch side just watching them train was special for me. At times I was so sick but got my loving now wife Catherine to drive me down just so I could stand and watch the lads train”. He knew what made him happy and what made him continue to feel like himself, not a sick patient. “That to me was my medicine, was where I wanted to be, it would be very easy for a person to curl up at home and use the treatment as an excuse to stay in and feel sorry. That was not me”.
He remembers something quite remarkable. The doctors had told him a lot of weight loss would be expected but as each time he went in for his treatment the nurses would ask him who he was there to visit. He thought they were always messing with him. This was because he never lost any weight; he actually gained weight, due to his strict healthy diet. “My eating habits were so healthy and in over drive. I refused to lose weight so before I was too sick I ate like a horse, I forced fed myself vegetables morning, noon, and night, seriously! I have always been In good physical shape so each time they saw me I was getting heavier but this also made me question if the treatment was working or not? It was, but it’s just not what they said would happen you know”. His healthy habits allowed him to keep his strength and combat the disease, starting from the onset with his best foot forward.
So what does Enda see as the key to deal with the torment a cancer diagnosis brings? “A positive attitude, healthy eating and exercise were the key for me I reckon. I believe it can be for anyone but it also needs the help of friends and family. Don’t shut people out as they are your medicine. Get out as much as you can whilst listening to your body also. Positivity is huge and played a major role in my recovery. I owe so much to my family and friends and also some strangers as I just couldn’t believe the generosity of people, but I have seen it first- hand and it has really restored my faith in humanity”. He will never forget the phone call back home to Ireland to his Mammy when he got the all clear, describing it as “an emotional call to say the least, but one of the happiest calls I’ve ever made”. I can’t even imagine the elation he felt (actually wait I kinda can), finally taking control, the past two years must have been unimaginable for the Butler clan.
What I really want to know is how can I take what I have learnt from Enda’s experience and apply it to my own life? His advice is pretty solid; 1. “Slowly get into it. 2. Be patient as it won’t happen overnight. 3. If your ever feeling it’s getting on top of you too much just look back at what you’ve accomplished. I’m in remission and proud of it”.
I am in remission and proud of it, yeow! That’s a fantastic thought. I have been through all of this, fought the hard fight but returned to be stronger, braver and loving life more than ever. Wouldn’t it be fantastic if life was perfect, no curve balls thrown our way? Unfortunately that is not the way it goes, so it all falls down to how you decide to handle things. When you get struck with a cancer diagnosis you meet a lot of people from various walks of life with different backgrounds and situations. I have found each single person fascinating, all having different outlooks, but I gravitate more towards the people with a bright opinion. Surround yourself with the people who believe you can do it, help you to achieve your goals and soon you still start to believe in yourself and suddenly you will find you can reach for the stars. Those negative people can stay away! I am blessed to have come across such uplifting people along my journey. These people, Enda included, are beacons of hope, and they are not afraid to shine as bright as they can in hopes of showing another patient’s the path to success and positivity. Where’s my football socks? I’m going for a jog!